In a world where our reproductive rights are slowly but surely being stripped from us and as misogyny and fascism overtake our culture, some revelations can seem beyond earth shattering. These revelations without options can feel as if the world is kicking you while you are already down. As a survivor of SA who was forced to ask myself the life shattering question of “WHAT DO I DO NOW?”; I know how that revelation can burn like salt on an open and festering wound.

What could I do when so many of my choices were taken from me against my will?

At first, I was alone and confused, not knowing what was done to me nor what was happening to me. Once The revelation came, I was still alone but my confusion morphed to mortification and disgust. I was filled with shame and anger for what I couldn’t change yet was forced to carry with me in spite of everything.

I felt my future slipping away as hopelessness consumed me. Where my mind spared me the memory of my assault, it also guaranteed that justice would likely never come for the one who took so much from me. I hated him, my unknown monster, and was powerless to slay him.

I felt so little, so dirty, so alone.

It was hell.

I’m just lucky that my nightmare occurred during a time when I still had options. Despite how violated and utterly alone I felt at the moment of my revelation, those options meant I could still reclaim my life and autonomy. Those choices meant that I didn’t have to be alone as I faced one of the worst things to ever happen to me. It meant that my future didn’t have to be defined by my darkest moment wherein I was stripped of my choice and dehumanized. Those choices saved me and allowed me to heal and rewrite my story from one of victimhood, shame, and powerlessness to one of a survivor brimming with perseverance and pride in my ability to heal and help others.

I grieve for the girls and women who have to face those Revelations in a world post Roe v Wade.